A mother's journey through the CT Family Court system

   This is a journal of my navigation though the Connecticut court system regarding custody of my son.  It is a way to express my feelings and experiences as I attempt to make some semblance of order out of an extremely dysfunctional system.  Until January of 2009 I had joint, shared custody of my son.  What that means is; he spent 50% time with me and 50% time at his father’s house.  In the spring of 2008 I was approached by someone from social services and a sheriff in my driveway.  I was served papers from the sheriff claiming I had abused my son and a motion for sole custody was filed with the CT family courts.  The social services representative was there to interview me about allegations of physical abuse.  Let me go on record that I have never abused any of my children and these false allegations were made in order to facilitate my son’s father so he could gain the upper hand and do whatever he could to remove me from my son’s life. 

   Although his attempts were unsuccessful in so much as erasing me out of my son’s life, he was quite successful at severely limiting my time with him, thus limiting my access and ability to parent him.  This battle has been raging for four years now and the damage has been immeasurable on both my son and I.  Our relationship has suffered and the financial devastation is astounding.  Yearly, like clock-work, the motions are filed and another round through the Connecticut courts begins.  My frustration stems from the fact that the CT courts facilitate such abuse of the system and allow a parent to use the courts as a means for punishing an ex spouse.  The children are sadly pawns in this devastating game of chess as the ex spouse launches attack after attack in his attempt to destroy the other parent. 

   I hope to enlighten anyone who reads this blog and hopefully stir enough interest for action to address this destructive flaw in the system which encourages such evil intent and in fact thrives on highly contested custody battles where the children are the real victims.  I have tired everything within my power and financial resources to protect my relationship with my son.  In the end however, I have been denied the right as a parent and a mother, to actively participate in the rearing of my child all because of false allegations made against me and innumerous lies accusing me of being an unfit parent.  My ex husband didn’t have to produce a shred of evidence substantiating his stories.  There was no effort made to investigate if any of the stories he fabricated had credibility.  It was just easier to err on the side of “caution” and hand my son over to his father.  The courts have swung the pendulum in favor of fathers and in highly contested custody battles; the convention is to side with the father.

   I divorced this man because he was a mean-spirited verbally and emotionally abusive individual with no regard for others.  I do not for one minute regret leaving this evil person, but I have been staving off his attacks for years and sadly still have four more years before my son turns 18.  I have hired lawyers and paid them huge amounts of money only to find that they show up in court ill-prepared and disinterested in defending their client.  Why you may ask?  Well, simply put, they get paid the same whether they do a great job or a lousy job.  There is no incentive for them to want to do a good job – the pay’s the same either way.  What that means in court is the person with the most resources gets better representation because the lawyers know (from the financial affidavit) up front what your net worth is and how much money they can expect to get out of you.  Therefore, the one with the most financial resources gets better representation.  Not to sound sexist here, but it is a know fact that a man’s income still far exceeds that of a women’s income especially if she is a mother and has had to make career sacrifices for her children.

   I thought I was the only women in the state (if not the world) that has done nothing wrong as a parent and was stripped of a huge part of her parental rights.  Yes, the courts still recognize joint custody, but my son’s father is now considered the primary custodial parent and enjoys 90% of time raising him.  I get a mere 2.5 hours twice a week and two weekends a month form Friday after school until Sunday evening at 8pm to be his parent.  There are many, many more cases just like mine, where for unfounded reasons, mother’s have lost time and in some cases custody of their children.  The only hope we have of setting the scales back to a balanced arrangement, is if women unit and overturn this unfair default decision to hand children automatically to the father if there is a dispute.  Unless one parent or the other is unfit, the children should by default, enjoy equal time with both parents.

  Because my ex husband made false claims that my son doesn’t do his homework at my house and I can’t get him to school on time in the mornings, they have denied me sleep-overs on school nights.  This schedule remains in tact even in the summer months!  Once the over-nights were taken away, the state no longer recognized these days as my parenting days.  So, essentially, they see me having 4 days a month and my ex husband having 26 days a month.  Because of this, I now have to pay child support, do all the driving back and forth to his father’s house (except for 2 Sundays a month) and have to pay for 100% of my son’s medical insurance and pay for 50% of unreimbursed medical/dental. 

   I am constantly getting bombarded with hostile messages accusing me of not paying my fair share of medical.  The e-mails are slanderous and verbally abusive.  They are filled with lies as if once he writes them in an e-mail they become fact which he can then refer to in court.  He develops scenarios he believes are going on in my home and then insists his fictitious stories are fact.  I have begged my attorney to protect me against these attacks, but was told there is nothing that can be done through the courts unless there is a threat of physical violence or an actual physical assault.  So I am left with no way to protect myself and regain my rightful place as the mother of my child. 

   Please, if you know of a mother in similar circumstances, please tell her about this blog and maybe with enough mothers standing united, we can finally set things right again in the family courts and Family Services so both parents are allowed  unfettered access to their children!  After all, both parents are equally important when in come to raising their child(ren).

The Growth Imperative 
By: Clayton Christensen

• "Financial markets relentlessly pressure executives to grow and keep growing faster and faster. Is it possible to succeed with this mandate? Don’t the innovations that can satisfy investors’ demands for growth require taking risks that are unacceptable to those same investors? Is there a way out of this dilemma?"

Life is not fair definitely applies in this case.  I don't envy the pressure the executives are under to meet the demands of the share-holders.  It takes real intestinal fortitude to survive and hopefully thrive in their position.  Of course they are well compensated for the pressure they are under, so no sympathy here.  UTC has managed to stay in the game for decades and I believe part of their success is attributed to the fact that they don't have all their eggs in one basket and continue to adjust their business acquisitions to better position themselves in the market.  They have their core business units which give them their constancy and capitol value and they have a set of smaller business venture type units which they "play" with in the stock market.  They are taking a risk right now with their latest acquisition of  Goodrich.  We'll see how this plays out in the long term.


UTC has also invested heavily in off-shore markets which gives them leverage and makes them more competitive.  All that being said, they are not too big or successful to fail and therefore must always be on the look-out for dangers and opportunities looking forward.  Timing is as critical as selection when it comes to investments and decisions to sell off divisions.  So far, they've proven themselves successful.

Blog topic for week of March 21, 2012

Estimating market size depends on four different cuts of market data: 
(Discuss with respect to your team's new business)

(1) demand
 Our product is Java Fix Stix which are basically a convenient way to add creamer/sweetener/flavor to a cup of coffee with one simple straw-like container.  With today's busy society where everyone's always in a hurry, any product that adds convenience and time savings to life, is a good bet.  Just as the Keurig revolutionized the customized single cup of brewed coffee in the home and workplace/office, so will Java Fix Stix revolutionize the coffee station with a cleaner, quicker one-step way to add ingredients and stir your cup of java.


(2) addressable market
Our plan is to launch the product here in the North East and basically cater to the on-the-go coffee crowd.  This could be at the local convenience store, at the office or at home.


(3) realistic opportunities vs competition
 Realistically speaking, there are current products such as International Delights and Coffee-Mate which make similar single serving containers, but they are bulky not as customized, not all made with real dairy and none that come with a convenient stir as part of the package.  Like the Keurig, we believe people are willing to pay for the convenience and customized ingredients which are color-coded for easy identification of YOUR particular mixture.


(4) targeted selection of "winnable" market opportunities. 
 If we can develop a formula that tastes better than the current products out there, I believe we can win over a good many consumers that use International Delights and Coffee-mate products.

Generation C and the Entrepenuer

The article bellow came from WNPR and generated all kinds of ideas in my head with respect to entrepreneurship.  This is an interesting market sector that warrants some thought as to what appeals to this group, how to best reach them, and mostly, how to get their attention amidst the constant barge of electronic communication and advertisement.  I know when I'm on the internet and these "annoying" advertisements pop up all over the screen, slowing down my experience (yes, I have a slow DSL ISP) the last thing I want to do is respond to it in a positive way.  My point is; these "popups" don't generally work.  What does interest me,  is if I'm on a page and it suggests things similar to what my normal interest are based on my history.  My Amazon account is very efficient at this and will show be books similar to the ones I've recently viewed or purchased.  I don't have a smart phone yet, but I do wonder if this type of advertisement will annoy me on my phone.  I prefer to inquire when interested rather than have it forced upon me.  It sure does change the traditional marketing experience we've experienced in the past.  Does any one feel strongly about privacy issues or annoyances?

Kai Ryssdal: And the word of the day this Friday is Generation C. C as in Connected. The folks at Nielsen came up with it to describe 18- to 34-year-olds -- those that are, Nielsen says, truly connected in the digital sense.

We went to the campus of George Washington University today in our nation's capital to see what some of the newly-minted Gen C-ers think about how they're being labeled.

    The C could stand for Generation of Consumers. You know, that's the first thing that comes to my mind.

    I don't know that I think that Generation C is a good way to categorize us. I mean, everyone is more connected now. My grandparents on Facebook, so...

    We as a generation are clearly not labeling ourselves as anything.

    Narrowing it down to Generation C and calling us all this one thing is about as thin as the connections that we have on things like Facebook and Twitter.

So deep thoughts from a college campus. Nielsen is in the business of measuring things. Trying to quantify our lives, whether it's what we're watching on television or how connected we are, so it kind of makes sense for them to come up with a term like Gen C. But what use is it really

Week 4 (02/08/2012) Creative Abrasion
What is creative abrasion?  I never realized there was an actual name to describe this type of creative development.  I really enjoyed reading the article by Katharine Meiszkowski titled “Opposites Attract:”.  It was a unique approach to be sure, and I can certainly appreciate the logic behind the concept of pitting two diametrically apposed individuals against each other in order to capture the entire spectrum of possibilities.

I believe when in a start-up setting, this is a great idea since you really need to look at all the possibilities and identify what attributes really bring out the strengths in your business and bring your concepts to the forefront of the current market.  Ultimately there will be “marriage” of both concepts which will likely place you in an ideal position to stand out among the existing competition.  

With respect to an intraperneurship setting this paradigm can also work quite nicely especially when trying to break out of a stale rut a lot of established companies find themselves in.  It’s a great way to brainstorm and get some fresh ideas kicking around.  It can stimulate new ways of looking at things and awaken creative thinking.

Strategy and the Internet
It is interesting how although the Internet has had a dramatic effect on how business is conducted, the basic forces Micheal Porter identified still apply.  

Rivalry among existing competitors has become more fierce since comparison shopping is only a mouse click away and with that ease of comparison comes price competition.  Differentiation has also become more difficult as competitors have easy access to your product and can quickly become fast followers.

The treat of substitutions has also been amplified since everything changes so rapidly and can instantly be launched on the Internet for the whole world to see.

Bargaining power of suppliers has taken on an entirely new concept due to the transparency of the Internet.  Suppliers can now reach consumers directly which can increase their profit margin and on the flip side, competing suppliers can easily adjust to pricing and products since they have access to the competitors website.
Barriers to entry are greatly reduced thanks to all the Internet technology and minimum capitol investments of bricks-and-mortar facilities, staffing, and physical assets.

Buyers have the corner on the market, as they can determine where the best prices are and whether items are in stock and how soon they can be delivered.  The bottom line is: The business with the best customer service overall will come out a winner.  

With the advent of the Internet,  “If you snooze you loose”.  In order to remain competitive, you have to carefully monitor the market and be ready to adjust to its constant state of flux.  Keeping that cutting edge is hard work and the ability to see changes coming and be ready to move on new technologies and products, is the key to staying ahead of the competition. 

Week 3 Blog (February 1, 2012)
-Discuss the pros and cons of "first mover advantage" and your position on whether being the first mover is an advantage.

First Mover Advantage can be a good thing if your plan is well developed and you can hit the ground running.  It allows you to build a loyal customer base and get them accustomed  to your product and style.  Once invested in your product, it will be less desirable for your customers to start over with a new product line and 'waste' all the original capitol they invested in your product.  An example would be, once you own a PC and have made substantial investments in the product, it's hard to justify switching to the Apple product line since little if any of your PC hardware will be compatible with Apple.

However, if you are not sufficiently prepared to launch a new product to market and delight your customers, it can easily become a springboard for your competition to take your idea and refine it into a better product, thus essentially stealing the market out from under you.

SOPA/PIPA

Where's the Wiki?  Wow!  Lots of reactions about copyrights and the web.  It's an interesting time to be alive, that's for sure!  The implications of this type of censorship are very scary.  On the flip side, it's also frustrating for the artists etc. to have their work pirated.  Let's hope a better resolution can be reached than randomly shutting down sights and stifling information sharing.